Rants of Brian

WTF Lost? And Unrelated, Fuck You Benjamin

cerialthriller — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 18:01:29 +0000

So anyway, it’s been a while since I wrote, so I’m giving you a double dose today. Let’s start with this fuck, who we’ll call, no fuck it I’m using his real name, Benjamin. Fuck yeah I used 3 fucking commas in one sentence, and it might even be proper.

Anyway, so this fuck works at the Wawa near my work. He is this big doofy douche bag who thinks he is the fucking man because he works at Wawa and pretends he knows everyone that comes in there. But the real reason I hate this fuck, is because he is that guy who rings up your 8 items, and then asks if you want a bag. Of course I want a fucking bag you stupid cunt. Then, he acts all pissed off and throws each item into the bag with disregard for the fact that he just threw a 20 oz Cherry Pepsi on top of my fucking Coconut Cake. So today I bought my lunch, he asks if I want a bag, and I say yes please. He starts throwing my shit in the bag. But today, he fucking missed with my sandwich and that fucker goes on the floor and slides under the counter. He then proceeds to kick it out from underneath the counter and put in my bag. Are you fucking kidding me, he just dropped my shit on the floor and then kicked it, im not eating that shit. I told him as such and demanded I get a new one. You might be asking why I remember that his name is Benjamin, and it is because I have emailed Wawa multiple times about how much of a cock this guy is.

But now, it’s time for my next rant. So Tuesday I hung out with Harry and Steve, who are big fucking Lost fags fans. So we are sitting at Harry’s moms kitchen table since Harry was staying there for the night. Which by the way have the most uncomfortable cushions and cock paintings and figures everywhere. The rooster kind, but its still funny to me since I’m like mentally 12. So we are shooting hoops the shit and the Super Mario theme is just stuck in my head. But anyway, Lost comes on. I’ve never seen Lost before, so here goes.

So there’s this bald fuck who is in a wheel chair and he face plants into his fucking lawn. Then his girlfriend, Peg Bundy, finds him taking a shower in the sprinklers on this lawn. It turns out this fuck gets fired from his job because his dumb ass was trying to go on a walk-about in a wheelchair. Anyway he goes home and emos out to Peg about how he’s stuck in a wheel chair and he’s too much of a pussy to get help. But whatever. Because also he’s a fucking alien sent by Tom Cruise and Xenu to murder everyone on an island for being anti-scientology. They use Travolta’s jet to get on and off. Well they don’t explain that but it’s probably true. Anyway. This bald fuck can walk on the island, and since Peg isn’t around to keep him in check, he is throat chopping motherfuckers and carrying them away. The dude that got throat chopped woke up and told this bald guy to fuck off. The bald guy then goes and finds the guy from Nickelback in a fucking house on the island. He convinces this dumb fuck to climb down this death ladder on the side of a fucking cliff. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that the bald guy was buried a few day before, so he’s actually a zombie. Really, WTF Lost?

Where The Fuck Are The Stars?

cerialthriller — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 15:09:49 +0000

So last night, my fiancee came over after work. She recorded Dancing With The Stars on my DVR and wanted to watch it. FUCK. I wanted to watch Big Bang Theory which I recorded because I was watching the Rangers beat the shitty Leafs 7-2.

Anyway, so Jen is putting this show on and laying in bed and I didn’t want to totally neglect her so I jumped into bed as well, I just bought my DS with me. So she is watching and I am playing ChronoTrigger on my DS while glancing over once in while so i dont miss any hot chicks.

Then I’m thinking wait a minute, where the fuck are the stars? Chuck Liddell? What the fuck. Since when is Sabrina the Teenage Witch a star. That shit got canceled a decade ago. I’m still going to rewind to her dance to fap but still. And Kelly Osbourne is a “singer”? Wow, they are using that shit lightly. And what the fuck, they have Mya who was probably in like TLC or Salt n Peppa or something in a dancing competition with bitches who can’t dance. Maybe I’m wrong, but she fucking dancing in music videos for a fucking living. Half the time i couldnt tell which one was the star and which was the pro.

So anyway, the other people like one was the brother of a former boy band member or some shit I don’t know, but it basically looked like they were fucking without fucking. And the host is that annoying fuck that took over for the Full House guy on America’s Funniest Home Videos. Speaking of Full House, that middle sister on the show got fucking hot and has some nice tits. I saw her hosting some terrible strip dance show where the people cant even get naked because its on regular tv, wtf is that.

But on to the important stuff, I got to the part in ChronoTrigger where you save Robo from those asshole robots and then you go to the Transition area where that old fuck gets pissed from all the tourist time travellers.

Back the Hell Up

cerialthriller — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 12:45:12 +0000

Ok, so I was at Wawa yesterday buying some lunch. I’m not a huge Wawa fan to begin with. I stopped smoking about 5 months ago and food tastes better now. Not Wawa hoagies though. Every fucking meat tastes the same. Turkey, Ham, Roast Beef, it all tasted the same. And I didnt notice because most other places were the same way. But now that I don’t smoke, when I go to a hoagie place i can tell the difference between turkey and ham and roast beef. But not at Wawa. Shit is fucking beat.

So anyway, I’m standing in line and then I feel it. There is someone like 3 fucking inches behind me. I do like a half head turn to see who it is and of coarse its some nasty construction worker and basically is dick is touching my ass. Seriously why the fuck do you need to stand that close to someone waiting in line. The dude fucking smelled like oil. My own fiance doesnt even stand that close when we are waiting in line somewhere.

So that got me thinking, I hate when this fucking happens. Not once in my life, has it ever been a hot, big titted chick, who is accidentally rubbing her titties on my back. Seriously for every 10 dudes standing on my balls I should atleast get one chick doing it. Come think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a single female do this, its always fucking big ass construction workers or shit like that.

This Food is Fucking Bullshit

cerialthriller — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 16:15:55 +0000

Ok, so I’m at work and everyday the receptionist takes a lunch order and we get delivery. We tried this place today that I never had before. I saw this sandwich on the menu called “The Zebra Hoagie”. Its fucking Turkey, Roast Beef and Cheese, fuck yeah! So I order that shit, it comes to $7.59 holy fuck, but I’m like who cares its fucking Turkey and Roast Beef!

So, I am waiting patiently for it to arrive, I ordered at like 10:30 am and lunch comes at Noon. So finally it arrives and it looks glorious! I can’t wait to sink my teeth into this fucker, but its like 15 minutes before lunch starts so I refrain.

Ok, so noon hits and im ripping open that styrofoam container like a Somali pirate that just captured a ship full of eye patches. I take a bite. WHAT THE FUCK!. THERE IS NO FUCKING MAYO! Seriously this food is bullshit. Its dry as fuck I’m drinking like 3 cans of soda so I don’t choke on this fucking thing. Son of a bitch.

Apple Fires a Shot at Nintendo and Sony Mobile Gaming Platforms

cerialthriller — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:11:41 +0000

Earlier today, Apple hosted an event called “It’s Only Rock and Roll”. They decided to use this opportunity to let you know that the iPhone and iPod Touch are much better gaming platforms then the well established Sony PSP and Nintendo DS. Yes, you heard that correctly, a device that lacks buttons and a means of inserting a media device is superior to the PSP and DS, two devices that were made strictly for gaming.

Apple’s Phil Schiller made his points:

DS and PSP games cost too much
Lack of multi-touch interfaces
No App stores
No “iPod”

As an owner of both an iPhone and a Nintendo DS, i feel I have a somewhat unbiased view, I love both devices. But all of these points are simply false. Sure, DS and PSP games cost more, but the games are generally much more in depth and are full, AAA titles. I can’t think of a game on the App Store that I would pay more then $5 for.

I’m not really sure what constitutes a “multi-touch” interface, but the DS touch screen with stylus works much better then the touch screen on the iPhone using your finger. I mean this is no contest, you just can’t get the level of control using your finger over the stylus.

The “no App Store” is false, DSiWare and the Playstation Store exist, where you can download apps and games for your DSi or PSP. So this is just a flat-out lie.

The PSP does play music and movies. The DS does not, however. But really, does a gaming platform really need to also be an mp3 player?

Phil also went on to mention that the App Store features “21,178 entertainment titles.” Anyone who has been on the App Store knows there are about 10 original actual games that are worth their price and the rest are either remakes of classics (Oregon Trail, Myst, Monkey Island, fuck yeah!) or just plain crap. And probably about 15,000 of those are apps that contain about 5 pics of chicks in bikinis or lingerie, and while pictures of chicks in barely and clothing is fantastic, it is not a reason to chose an iPhone / iPod Touch over a PSP or DS if you are looking for a gaming handheld. The iPhone is an incredible device, but Apple, don’t kid yourself, you can’t compete with the big boys in gaming world.